Life part 2

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
– Joe Namath
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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob Hope
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